 I went to Landmark yesterday to do my grocery shopping and buy some needed stuff for my pad. I must say Landmark Supermarket’s check-out baggers are good lookers and I did my own checking out. Some of them are pretty goodlooking that you would want to bag them too. But I’m such a prude when I’m alone in public.
After three hours and having all the items on my list (yes I keep a list!) crossed out, I then headed to Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf in Greenbelt for my usual after-shopping coffee. Upon entering, I noticed that there was this hot Caucasian dude with an equally hot Pinoy seated in my favorite table. The minute I looked at them through my peripheral vision, I knew they were gay and probably a couple. My gaydar never fails me. So off I went to order a drink. And when I stepped out, the table adjacent to theirs was free so I took it and positioned myself facing them. I could have said hi but I didn’t.
I’m so bad at cruising and making friends with gay strangers in public that I almost always go home disappointed and full of regret. It wouldn’t hurt to say hi or just smile right? No matter how I, and others, convince me that it’s okay to say hi and be friendly, I just couldn’t do it, specially if I’m alone. Alone+Me+Public=Butchness.
I guess I can allude this to the fear of others finding out I’m gay. That fear that was built in my subconscious back in the days when I was still in the closet. Like I say in the title of this blog, “Bakla Ako, May Reklamo?” I should already be comfortable with everyone knowing I’m gay. But I can’t help it.
I would always fail at cruising as I tend to be extremely pseudo-conservative. I know I want him, but I’m too shy to make a move. I always make it a point to send a negative vibe just so people wouldn’t come up to me and say hi. I would always rely online to get to know other gay men, but I don’t think the Internet has not helped me all too well lately.
I should start becoming more free and friendlier in public. How am I supposed to meet the guy of my dreams when I’m too much of a sissy, right? I promised myself I’ll be a little sluttier, err, I mean, more friendly the next time I go out by my lonesome self in public.
