My Coming Out Story
Coming out to one’s family is one thing that most gay men are scared of. Some of us go to great lengths just to prepare ourselves and possibly, our families. 
For some, it can be very easy, while for others, it can be excruciating.
My coming out of the closet to my family was a breeze. No drama. I guess I’m just lucky to have an open-minded and dysfunctional family that coming out of the closet didn’t become that much of an issue. But of course, I also had to prepare for it. I failed on my first attempt but was successful on the second – which took more than a year to prepare for.
From the innards of my annals, here’s my coming out story:
December 2006
I took 5 days of Vacation Leave from work. I booked a trip to Davao to spend Christmas with my family. I somehow am already tired of family gatherings and parties, but this year, I wanted to go back home and tell my parents who I really am.
The days before Christmas Eve were extremely long as I was spending time with old friends, catching up on our lives. All those days were extremely longer as I was looking for a window of opportunity to come out to my folks.
Coming out is not easy. And you can never be too prepared.
We ate dinner around 8PM and I decided to go back up to my room. I just wanted to lie down, watch TV and wait for midnight. (I guess I’m too old for Christmas. I don’t really feel that sort of excitement children have – waiting for midnight to open the gifts up, then go out and play with other children.) Midnight came and went, but I was asleep. I did not get to do the traditional Christmas Midnight Noche Buena. But it did not matter.When I got up, I carefully planned in my mind how I would tell my folks about me. Everytime I came out to someone, I made sure I broke it to them gently.
Since it was the 25th of December and the Metro Manila Film Festival Philippines already started, I quickly came up with a grand plan.
Mano Po 4: Ako Legal Wife was the only movie I planned on watching during this season’s film fest. I knew that there existed a character named Hamilton Chong (played by John Prats), a closeted gay man. This, I knew, should set the pace for me.
After the film, I brought them to Blugre Cafe (there is no Starbucks in Davao, and Blugre is the next best thing). My older brother and I brought our laptops and did some stuff for work there. The cafe had free wifi access (yes there is wifi in davao!).
I was chatting with my then boyfriend, J, over ym. Then I went on to open his friendster account and view his pictures. My mom was curiously looking at my monitor. Then she asked who were in the pictures. “My Friends”, I quipped.
Less than five minutes later, I showed her one of J’s pictures and told her that the guy was my “uyab”. Uyab is the bisaya androgynous term for BF/GF/Lover, just like the Filipino NOBYO and KASINTAHAN.
“That’s a guy.”
“Yes, he is a guy. His name’s J and he’s currently in New York.”
“So you’re gay?”
“Yes, I am.”
smiles
“There he is.” I then clicked on J’s webcam window
Mom pinches my cheeks, smiling
It was that simple. No complications. She asked me a lot of questions about my bf and my life and about G, the “close friend” I always hung out with some two to three years ago. I told her that yes, G was my boyfriend. Then she dropped her bomb.
“Oh, I see. I knew it.”
Then she went on smiling. My mom wears her heart on her sleeve, and I knew that she was happy. She still is. My brothers who were there just looked at J’s pics. My brother then made this funny remark: “So, naglaladlad ka na pala. Parang Ako Legal Wife.” Something of that sort. We all laughed.
And that was the end of it.
I am OUT and Proud.
I just wish it was THIS easy for everyone of us. I guess I’m just lucky that I have a family like mine. We may not be emotionally open amongst ourselves, but we sure stand by each other through thick and thin.
It’s IN to be OUT!
This entry was posted on Monday, May 7th, 2007 at 7:32 pm and is filed under From Bakla, I'm Coming Out . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
Ako? Walang coming out, coming out. Bata pa lang alam nilang dingga ketch pero hindi openly discussed sa pamilya.
Pero one night, nanonood kami ni Pujay ng Mel & Jay at ang topic ay “Anak, Bakla Ka Ba?”
Noong commercial break, tanong ng Dad ko, “Anak, bakla ka ba?”
Tingin ako sa kanya sabay sabing, “Opo, bakit?”
Tawa lang kami ng tawa.
Woow..you’re so lucky. I like your story. I have a friend who hasn’t come out yet. He’s just too anguised over how his family would react.
ahaha, empressmaruja nakakatuwa naman yang kwento mo, may mel&jay mention pa.
AJ thanks for sharing your story.
@empress maruja
Haha. nakakatuwa naman kuwento mo! At least hindi ka na nag prepare prepare pa. ambilis, walang aray! hehehe
@Christine
Thanks. It really is difficult to come out. Hope your friend’s family takes it well.
@james
Thanks!
Sobrang nakakatawa yung mel and jay story in maruja tlaga! hahaha
i have been itching to tell my ATE about me being gay. pero hindi ko pa rin masabi, bakit kaya?
try ko sabihin sa kaniya on my birthday, and that would be less than 2 weeks from now.
haaaayyyy!
@filibustero
wow, good luck naman sayo! I hope she takes it well.
What about your dad? How did he react?
@Misterhubs
I knew someone was gonna ask about that. Hahaha! Well, deadma lang siya. And uhm, I don’t really care that much about what he thinks.
||AJ||
i hope so, ang alam ko ay meron na siyang inkling about my sexuality, hinihintay na nya lang ako magsabi sa kaniya. bwahahaha!
@filibustero
hahaha! baka mamaya lumapit na lang siya sayo at sabihing: “kapatid, may aaminin ako sa’yo… Bakla ka!” hahahha
buti ka pa AJ, madaling natanggap. hehe… hay naku ako, nung nag-come out ako sa parents ko, dinaan ko sa sulat. nabasa nila nung nakaalis na ako ng bahay. at sa sobrang paranoid ko, dinala ko lahat ng essential na gamit ko pabalik dito sa manila just in case hindi na ako tanggapin sa bahay. well, they said ok lang (lip service nga lang), at ang daming bawal! tapos once in a while, tatanungin ako… “anak, wala ka ba talagang nagugustuhang babae?” yuuuuuuuuuuccckkkk!!! kaya ayaw ko na lang pag-usapan kasi mauuwi lang sa away. hehe.
Congratulations on your coming out. You are lucky that your family has been accepting – same as mine. I think the key to having a non-dramatic, totally “normal” coming out to family is to treat it as “normally” as possible – no drama, no recriminitions, just “I’m gay – I’m ok, so should you.” My mom was prescient during my coming out and asked me if I was “magla-ladlad na”. So I did..which made it easier for me, when several months later, I hooked up with my first (now ex-) partner, to introduce him to my mom and my sister.
Best regards
@ian
oh well, ganyan talaga ang buhay. i hope someday everything will be okay between you and your family. yung okay na hindi ka na hahanapan ng girlfriend! haha
@Homie
i believe that’s true. in some instances and some families though, being gay is totally unacceptable, that’s why it’s difficult for others to come out.
Good for you. I had the same outcome but a bit less pleasant than yours. My parents were quite open about it. The night I told my them about myself [through a letter], they told me sana wag daw ako pumatol sa lalaki.
Hahahaha!
Para matapos na lang ang usapan, sabi ko oo.
Sa isip ko… Too late for that. I’m already reeking with others’ manly fluids.
@Housewife
hahah! good luck naman sa kanila diba? pero mas effort mag come out in person kase kaharap mo sila at hindi mo alam kung bigla ka bang sasampalin at ingugudngud sa sahig! hehehe
@AJ,
thanks! sana nga wag na ako hanapan ng girlfriend. sana ihanap na lang nila ako ng boyfriend. haha…
I just love coming out stories with “happy” endings, or should I say, happy beginnings as a result. I also had to go through this coming out process to my family and they gladly accepted me. Lucky us!
So you’re from Davao City, too? Taga-Davao din ako.
@Dan
Diba, happy endings are so much fun? Yup I was born and raised in Davao. Gwapa kaayong mga taga Dabaw no?
this story is really cute… i hope its really that easy… i also hope that my parents are like yours… hehe… good for you AJ (no Sir anymore!)…
jhigz »
Thanks! Well it takes time and courage. Hope your parents will be open-minded enough to accept you for who you are.
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