Some straight people (and closet homosexuals as well) find it awkward and sometimes difficult to deal with gay men. The gay men we are talking about are those who are quite discreet and straight-acting (misnomer-ed as “bi” here in the Philippines). So what do you do if you suspect one of your colleagues, officemates, neighbors, family members, or classmates to be gay? We’ll list down some tips for you.
Being gay in this society may now seem to be like a walk in the park, but believe me, it isn’t. Of course some of you know that there are different kinds of gay men like there are different kinds of straight men and straight women. If you didn’t know that, then do some research, please? Kidding aside, it is true that there are different kinds of gay men, and in this entry, we will be referring to the discreet-slash-closeted-slash-bi-slash-in-denial-slash-straight-acting gay dude. In other words, yung hindi halata.
I’m sure some of you have encountered these types of federasyon members. And I’m sure some of you have found it either too awkward or too funny being around them.  So here are some (unofficial and non-fool-proof) tips on how to deal with these kinds of PLUS (people like us):
A Gay
Never refer to him as “A GAY”. You don’t label a gay man as “a gay” because he is just “gay” and not “a gay.” i’s just wrong. It may sound funny, but it is just too wrong (read: masagwa pakinggan).
Observe
Make objective observations of the things that he does. But do not jump inot baseless conclusions and do not judge the person. Do not ever give the person that eeriee feeling of someone watching him. Be casual but not sneaky. If he gets wind of your prying, he sure will change his game plan and lead you into Pan’s labyrinth.
Do Not Show Suspicion
Never drop verbal or non-verbal cues that you are suspecting that he’s gay. He will go paranoid and may likely to ostracize himself. Either that or he will continue with his act.
Respect
Respect the person’s sexual orientation and treat him as you would any other straight guy or girl. If you gain his respect, you might be lucky enough to be the person’s office “hag” or “stag”.
Do Not Force it Out
If you force things out of tight spots, there will be pain. Do not force topics which make him squirm or run in the opposite direction, or make him feel awkward. The more you try to get it out of a person, the more he will keep it to himself.
Never Tease
Never tease the person about his sexuality, or your suspicion of his sexuality. It will make him feel defensive or awkward.
Do not Confront
If a person does not want to share his personal life with you, never confront him about it. If he wants to keep it a secret, let him.
Out with the Stereotypes
If he decides to come out, just take it plainly. Don’t make a scene and don’t throw stereotype-based questions and remarks at him.
At the end of the day, the best way to act around and treat a closeted gay guy is to just not look at his sexual orientation. One’s sexual orientation is not the end-all and be-all of his/her personality. Respect is still what matters.
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Thanks for this.
Heh. I do hate it when people say “A Gay.” It’s just plain wrong.
@Arbet
You’re welcome.
@Q
True! Nakakainis specially when you hear it from so-called “TV hosts”. I’m gay, but I’m not A gay!
ang masasabi ko lang jan ay… ang kikay ng katabi mong desk. may blue-gren balloon at may muted purple na slippers! hehehe
I agree with you, especially on your last note. “At the end of the day, the best way to act around and treat a closeted gay guy is to just not look at his sexual orientation.” In fact, the best way to act around and to treat ANYONE is to not look at his or her sexual orientation.
@Rye
Yung balloon bigay ng trainee dun sa tainer niya na nakaupo sa desk na yon. Yung slippers sa merlat na trainer. And hindi ko desk yon. heheheh
@Dan Gabriel
true tue!
yeah…. i agreeable!!! hehehe
Why is there a compelling urge to “out” a gay guy who obviously don’t want to be “out”?
Isn’t it the same right of choosing to be “out” and opting not to be?
People have different backgrounds and what applies to one guy doesn’t necessarily apply to another.
Which leads to the bottomline question: Is swaying hips and applying mascara the only gauge of being “OUT”?
@River Pisanu
I don’t know but some people really have this want to make people come out. They don’t really get anything out of it anyway. And no, swaying hips and applying mascara isn’t the only gauge of one’s sexual orientation, nor are those acts tantamount to coming out.
i just use my eyes to lure them out.. hahahahaha
but i love the last paragraph of this post.
that is definitely true.
R E S P E C T
@chase
hahaha. madaan sa tingin? lol.
very true.
pero hanggang ngayon naguguluhan ako sa sexual orientation na “bi”.. i think they’re gays too but they’re “in denial”?
i dunno i just can’t seem to get them..
@Lalon
I think some people use the term “bi” because of inner homophobia. Yun lang.
sosyal ka AJ, natumbok mo.
I considered my self as a bimale and I believe that bisexuality is the break away group of homosexuality (gays). right?! LOL.
Bisexuals must considered gays. once na pumatol ka sa same, your not straight. BUT may mga excemptions dun. It depends on once sexual orientation and sexual identity. Kung trip mo parin tawaging str8 ang sarili mo pero ang totoo ay marami ka ng encounters sa same, then its your choice. and must respect it.
The way I understand it, pure homosexuals only get attracted to men. Bisexuals, on the other hand, are sexually attracted to both men and women.
However, most would argue that “bi’s” are in fact homosexuals who “pretend” to be attracted to women. Whichever is true, being “bi” is not about outward behavior (camp, effem, discreet,etc). It’s not even about “making patol” some gay guy (a lot of male prostitutes fool around with gays for money but still remain straight after so many encounters). It’s about which gender/s you’re sexually attracted to . But there’s one thing I’m sure is true: bisexuals are definitely homosexuals. Good for them!
@duke of pink
Hmmm… I suggest you ask River Pisanu up there about that… He can very well enlighten you with bisexuality!