So “vacation” mode is over for Bakla and Post-Vacation Depression is beginning to kick in as he resumes his life in Makati. One thing that Bakla looks forward to on vacations is the plane ride. If you’ve been on a plane with Bakla before, you would know why.
He loves imitating the safety demonstration “exercises” being conducted by flight attendants. You know those seatbelt and life vest operating instructions? That’s why he was disappointed when on his last trip, he did not witness those and instead viewed the instructions on the screen. Not too fancy and enjoyable anymore, is it? Good thing the male flight attendants were goodlooking enough to make his ride a fun one (no, he didn’t ride them).
But he was appeased when he checked his emails and received this email containing anecdotes from flight attendants. [Of course this reminded us of the days when photos of air cabin crew sleeping quarters from different airlines all over the world circulated online.] Have you ever wondered why some people are too eager to board and leave the plane? Why do some people scurry out of the plane, even if the doors haven’t been opened yet, then you see them minutes later still waiting for their luggage at the claim area? We have and the reasons for such behavior still mystifies us. Lol.
Here are some of them anecdotes:
- On a flight with a very “senior” flight attendant crew, the pilot said, “Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants.”
- On landing, the stewardess said, “Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you’re going to leave anything, please make sure it’s something we’d like to have.”
- “There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane.”
- “Thank you for flying Cebu Pacific… We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.”
- “Welcome aboard Philippines Airlines … To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight.. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don’t know how to operate one, you probably shouldn’t be out in public unsupervised. “
- “In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite.”
- “As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.”
- And from the pilot during his welcome message: “Philippines Airlines is pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!”
- After landing the airplane and while taxiing towards the terminal, cabin attendant announced as passengers rise to retrieve their hand carry bags: “Manatili po sana tayong nakaupo habang hindi pa ganap na nakahimpil ang ating sasakyan, WALA PONG PREMYO PARA SA MAUUNANG LALABAS NG EROPLANO.”
- PAL Stewardess: We’re now preparing to land at San Francisco International Airport.  Kindly straighten up your seats, turn off all electronic gadgets, pull up your window shades and buckle up for safety. We hope you enjoyed  flying with us as much as we did. Sa wikang atin po, tayo po ay papalapag na sa paliparang pangkalawakang  internasyonal ng San Francisco. Paalala po lamang sa ating mga kababayan — ang mga unan, kumot, headset at  iba pang kagamitan sa eroplano ay di po kasama sa pasalubong.  Huwag po lamang baklasin ang LCD-TV na nakadikit sa silya! Maraming salamat po.
