It has been a while since I had to go through the motions of explaining my sexuality to anyone and last Sunday was another opportunity for me to do so - to straight friends. My college friends and I had a mini-reunion of sorts. 
We have been friends for nine years and in the first six of those years, they never knew I was gay. I came out to them some three years ago, but I haven’t really told them how it’s like to live as a gay man in this world.
It’s kind of awkward to talk about your sexuality in the midst of straight male and female friends. First, you’ll have to deal with the fact that they have a different view of homosexuality (some of them homophobic to some extent). And second, you’ll have to deal with people in total shock (no matter how they pretend they’re not) that the straight chickboy they once knew turned out to be gay.
So how does one deal with straight friends? How do you make them understand? How do you explain to them in layman’s term your whole sexuality and lifestyle? How do you avoid being too defensive, even if they have already told you they were okay with your sexuality (but you know they still have some issues about it because they have misconceptions about it)?
Here are some steps that I usually take when faced with situations like this:
- Clear your mind. Do not pre-judge your friends as not being able to understand you.
- Arm yourself. Do some research. I noticed that some PLUS (people like us) do not actually know a lot about our sexuality and all the other colors of the gay spectrum.
- Give them a timeline (if applicable). They will be curious for many different reasons.
- Do not force them into just asking you what they want to know. It will be awkward for them.
- Do not be offended by their insensitive jokes, comments, and responses to your stories. Positively explain to them that what they have said normally irks or offends a gay man.
- Give a brief backgrounder on same sex relationships - which is just like explaining a heterosexual relationship. Uhm… duh!
- Explain sex in not-so-vulgar terms. They are curious about how you take pleasure in cohabitating with a person of the same sex. Don’t gross them out with the nasty little details. A simple explanation of Top, Bottom, Versatile will do. And yes, they will ask you what your preference is.
- Some of them will egotistically ask you if you had the hots for them at one time in your life. If you did, categorically deny and tell them that if ever you did, then they were very lucky since a higher being like you took notice of them. If they laugh at this, then tell them the truth.
- Tell them that nothing really changed. You’re still the same person they once hung out and checked girls out with. You’re still the [insert personal praise adjectives here, e.g. trustworthy, loyal, helpful - errm boy scouts!] guy they know, only difference is your sexual preference and lifestyle.
- If after all these they make fun of you and look grossed out, summon them to a fistfight, drinking contest, arm wrestling, or trivia contest - whichever you think will make you win.
If all else fails, simply tell them, “Bakla ako, may reklamo?” (”I’m gay, got a problem with that?) Besides, if they’re true friends, then they shouldn’t have a problem with your sexuality.
Im the one in green - the only gay guy in this photo! hehe
