Ever heard of Penis-snatching? No, not the kind that Lorena Bobbit did to her husband years ago. Nor is it the same kind as that recent incident in Pasig City when a woman cut off her husband’s dick because of jealousy. We’re talking about penises completely disappearing or shrinking.
Reuters reported yesterday that police in Kinshasa, the capital of the Democratic Republic of Congo, have arrested 13 sorcerers suspected of, well, stealing and/or shrinking penises. Stealing of body parts is not uncommon in West Africa and this alleged traditional and religious practice is still widespread.
The victims, who were also detained by the police, claimed that the sorcerers merely touched them, which caused their penises to either shrink or disappear. A similar incident occurred in Ghana some ten years ago — where an angry mob beat the penis-snatchers to death.
The police chief is tempted to say that this is all a joke but he couldn’t. The victims really believe that their Mini-Me’s have either left them for good or just became Minis. The police chief makes a good point though:
“But when you try to tell the victims that their penises are still there, they tell you that it’s become tiny or that they’ve become impotent. To that I tell them, ‘How do you know if you haven’t gone home and tried it’,”
Residents also believe that the penis-stealing is not a work of fiction:
“It’s real. Just yesterday here, there was a man who was a victim. We saw. What was left was tiny,” said 29-year-old Alain Kalala, who sells phone credits near a Kinshasa police station.
How’s that for weird? Now if I were given that kind of power to shrink people’s penises or make people’s penises disappear, who would be my victims? Oh, that’s an easy question. Here’s my list:
- Gay bashers
- Politicians who continue to block the Anti-Discrimination Bill
- The men who broke my heart
- Arrogant men who believe that they’re heaven’s gift to gaylandia
- Priests who molest powerless boys
- Annoying people who talk as if they own escalator landings
- Blog content-scrapers
- Politicians who keep on pocketing my hard-earned tax money (if they’re female, I will transfer the stolen penises from the males to these women’s foreheads)
How about you? Would you like to have the power to shrink or steal men’s penises?
News Source: Reuters
Link:
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18 Comments Received
April 24th, 2008 @9:53 am
Item number 8 was hilarious. Imagine a public official having a press conference with a “hard-on” on her forehead.
April 24th, 2008 @11:20 am
Number 8 reminds me of the second Deuce Bigalow movie. Wouldn’t it be more sinister to put the thing on the culprit’s nose?…
Anyway I’d be terribly glad to have the power to make penises shrink (or disappear) and use it for the happiness of all trannies everywhere, myself included. ;p
April 24th, 2008 @12:04 pm
@thenomad:
My college friend used to call having a penis on the forehead as “kuyaw” meaning “great” in Cebuano. Lol. Nipples on the cheeks on the other hand is called “unique”
lolz
April 24th, 2008 @12:17 pm
@the wilted prune:
i was gonna include that on the list but I also wanted the power to turn the trans-gendered men’s penises into vaginas.
April 24th, 2008 @4:09 pm
And I thought they steal penises so theirs (the stealers) penises would get big. Talk about taking the essence from others. Haha.
What’s a blog-scraper nga pala?
April 24th, 2008 @5:00 pm
nakakatakot naman ‘yan, paano na lang ang mga bading kung nag-sipagubusan na at nagsipag-liitan na ang mga burat, haay….wag naman sana umabot yan in the neighborhood, hahahah^^
April 24th, 2008 @7:14 pm
So Nora Aunor is unique? Oops! scratch that, i forgot, it’s a mole. LOL
This leads us back to the age old question: Does size matter?
April 24th, 2008 @7:31 pm
Thanks for the giggles, AJ!
April 24th, 2008 @9:13 pm
This is so hilarious!
April 25th, 2008 @12:33 am
yes, there are some politicians out there (okay, most of them!) whose nether-regions I would shrink.
So do you ask for a witch doctor who specializes in “shrunken heads?”
ps: thanks for having Captured By Gravity in your Entrecard widget today!
April 27th, 2008 @3:22 pm
thanks for the post, it made my day
April 28th, 2008 @11:26 am
@Joms:
lol! They just want it for some more witchcraft stuff!
A blog-scraper is someone (or something) that copies your blog entries and posts it on their own blog, verbatim, to make it appear as if it is their content
April 28th, 2008 @11:27 am
@lordmanilastone:
true! Josko kung umabot dito yan maraming malalagot! lol
April 28th, 2008 @11:28 am
@Remcyl:
hahaha. a mole is a mole!
Size doesn’t matter! Performance does. Quality over quantity
April 28th, 2008 @11:29 am
@TheBachelorGirl:
pleasure was mine
April 28th, 2008 @11:30 am
@tahn:
sobra diba? hope they don’t come here!
April 28th, 2008 @11:32 am
@Mo:
i’m not sure about the witch doctors who specialize in shrunken heads. lol.
April 28th, 2008 @11:37 am
@james:
Pleasure was mine
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