Ever heard of Penis-snatching? No, not the kind that Lorena Bobbit did to her husband years ago. Nor is it the same kind as that recent incident in Pasig City when a woman cut off her husband’s dick because of jealousy. We’re talking about penises completely disappearing or shrinking.
Reuters reported yesterday that police in Kinshasa, the capital of the Democratic Republic of Congo, have arrested 13 sorcerers suspected of, well, stealing and/or shrinking penises. Stealing of body parts is not uncommon in West Africa and this alleged traditional and religious practice is still widespread.
The victims, who were also detained by the police, claimed that the sorcerers merely touched them, which caused their penises to either shrink or disappear. A similar incident occurred in Ghana some ten years ago — where an angry mob beat the penis-snatchers to death.
The police chief is tempted to say that this is all a joke but he couldn’t. The victims really believe that their Mini-Me’s have either left them for good or just became Minis. The police chief makes a good point though:
“But when you try to tell the victims that their penises are still there, they tell you that it’s become tiny or that they’ve become impotent. To that I tell them, ‘How do you know if you haven’t gone home and tried it’,”
Residents also believe that the penis-stealing is not a work of fiction:
“It’s real. Just yesterday here, there was a man who was a victim. We saw. What was left was tiny,” said 29-year-old Alain Kalala, who sells phone credits near a Kinshasa police station.
How’s that for weird? Now if I were given that kind of power to shrink people’s penises or make people’s penises disappear, who would be my victims? Oh, that’s an easy question. Here’s my list:
- Gay bashers
- Politicians who continue to block the Anti-Discrimination Bill
- The men who broke my heart
- Arrogant men who believe that they’re heaven’s gift to gaylandia
- Priests who molest powerless boys
- Annoying people who talk as if they own escalator landings
- Blog content-scrapers
- Politicians who keep on pocketing my hard-earned tax money (if they’re female, I will transfer the stolen penises from the males to these women’s foreheads)
How about you? Would you like to have the power to shrink or steal men’s penises?
