One day you’ll see me in a video like this.
If not, maybe with Hayden Kho! Lol.
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Archive for the ‘Confessions’ category
I Dream of: Gay Kiss in Paris
June 11th, 2009Growing Older is Mandatory, Growing Up is Optional
August 4th, 2007I have never been put this low in my life. I have never had my integrity and dignity trampled on by anyone until recently. What would you do if someone you cared about conveniently and proactively accused you of things way beyond your mind can imagine? I can never and will never put up with people who trample upon my integrity all because of illogical, narrow-minded, blindsided, pre-conceived biases and notions of the single Filipino guy.
Why I Blog
If you have been reading this and my other blog, you would know by now that I blog because it is a passion. There are millions of blogs and millions of bloggers out there, and all these bloggers have different reasons for doing what they do, for writing what they write. Some people put up blogs because they want to earn, some because their jobs entail them to, some because they wanna exchange ideas and knowledge with other people, and others because they wanna vent out their innermost thoughts and emotions.  There are many million reasons why these millions of bloggers blog.
I blog because it is my passion. Sure there’s a little extra earnings from my blogs (except livejournal), but that isn’t why I blog. Of course there’s fame, recognition and a sense of acceptance. But never did it cross my mind that blogging is an avenue for me to advertise myself and hook-up with random men online. There are other outlets for that, so why would I use my blog, right? And besides, hookups and one-night stands are no longer my cup of Japanese Cherry tea. I would never go so low as to advertise myself and actively seek fuck buddies. I’m way over that, been there, done that.
And if you really know me, you would know that all my pseudo-self-advertising here were written tongue-in-cheek. You remember the entry about Bradley in my Livejournal? That one entry that got me in trouble with my mom? Well that was a fiasco and I had to deal with someone close to me and explain to them what this blogging thing I have is all about. And gladly, they understood. Why? Because my mom is open-minded and does not judge people based on hearsay or mere perception.
It has never occured to me until recently that some people do not, will not, and cannot understand the reasons why I blog. One thing I’m sure of is that I have never and will never use my blog to advertise myself searching for fuckables.
Single Gay Filipino
There are many misconceptions about Filipinos, Gay men, Gay Filipino men, and Single Gay Filipino Men. I am one of them but that does not make me a whore; that doesn’t make any of us whores.  Some people think that gay Filipinos are promiscuous. I’m sure I’m speaking in behalf of many gay Filipinos here that this accusation is utterly untrue.
Just because I’m single, gay, Filipino and live alone, that doesn’t mean that I am a whore and I go around hopping from one guy’s bed to another’s. I won’t act naive and virginal, but yes, I was like that before. I have gone through that phase. Been there, done that.
I live alone in a rented condo, but that doesn’t mean I bring guys home and fuck with them there. If you know me really well, you would know that I’m currently a member of the Celibacy Association of the Philippines. And yes, if you know me closely, you would know how many men I have brought to my home - if there were any.
Just because we are single, gay, and Filipinos, it doesn’t mean that we are whores or players.
» Read more: Growing Older is Mandatory, Growing Up is Optional
I was 8
April 11th, 2007
Only two other boys went with Ferman and James as the others already went home with their yayas, who apparently have gotten wind of the early dismissal and fetched their wards at the “usual” playground. So Ferman, Rick, Sean and James spent the rest of the afternoon playing the then-newest and coolest games on the “famicom”. Afternoon nap was a requirement in James’s household and his yaya, Melody, made sure this was enforced. Rick and Sean were not big fans of the afte
James was not a big fan of this sleeping rule either so he pretended to sleep until he sensed that Melody was already in the living room watching her daily dose of daytime soaps. But even before he got up from bed, Ferman was already atop his small, lanky body, kissing his » Read more: I was 8
Thou Shalt NOT TAKE Communion
March 12th, 2007
You are Roman Catholic. You had a Roman Catholic upbringing. You took the sacraments, observed the Holy Days of Obligation, went to church on Sundays, had your first communion, went to confession, confessed your sins and observed all the Catholic traditions.
But what if one day you received a letter from your parish priest telling you that you can no longer take the communion because you’re gay and you advocated same-sex unions?
This is what happened to Leah Vader and her partner Lynne Huskinson. On March 1, Leah received a letter from Rev. Cliff Jacobson telling her that she is no longer allowed to take communion.
(Read full story here)
I was baptized Roman Catholic, I went to a Catholic grade school. I had confirmation, I took the communion, went to confession. Heck I was even an active member of the Catholic Charismatic Community. I attended Life in the Spirit Seminars and I was very active in Church. But that was a long time ago.
The Leah Vader incident is just one of the reasons why I left the Roman Catholic institution. I’m a spiritual person and it was very difficult for me to leave my church. I have stopped attending mass and no longer observe the Catholic traditions that I was so used to. Now, I’m not a member of any religious organization as I communicate directly with the Higher being.
My Pink Carousel Ride
March 3rd, 2007In this day and age when same-sex relationships are quite tolerated, albeit not accepted, it is quite easy for a gay man to find a guy to have a relationship with. Or so people think.
With the increasing number of men who come out of the closet, one can say that there is a lot of pink fish in the gay sea. Is it easy to find a boyfriend? Is it easy to make the relationship last?
Not for me. When I started my ride on the pink carousel, I had difficulty even just looking for a guy. No thanks to the ultra-conservative family and society I lived in. Like a child’s first ride on that colorful and magical carousel, I was scared and excited at the same time. I knew the ride was gonna be fun and I had a lot of horses and seats to choose from.
My first boyfriend was one of the reasons why I left my comfort zone. I moved to Metro Manila, 600 miles away from home, to be with him while pursuing a career to become independent. But like many, I was faced with the ordeal of having to choose between my relationship and my career. I chose the latter. We had fun while it lasted, for a good 14 months. He doesn’t know it, but to this day, what we had is still the only thing I consider real. It was not fleeting, it was not just my cock speaking. The intimacy and romance were real. We both have moved on and have since remained friends. The carousel has started moving round and round and we now rode our own horses: he with his boyfriend, I by my lonesome self.
Round and round the carousel went, stopping for a time to load (and perhaps unload) pink children. I’ve shared horses with some pink boys but nothing really ever lasted. 14 months – that’s the longest I have been in a relationship. I somehow couldn’t get myself to make a relationship work. They probably were not too comfortable riding the horse with me. I may have been pushy and took a lot of space on the horse.
I blamed it on career or mental, social, intellectual and emotional compatibility whenever I could. “You’ll find someone in due time,” I kept on telling myself. And on I went with my Pink Carousel ride. I’ve had fleeting encounters with men of different demographics. I was having fun. I made myself believe that I was happy.
I focused my life on building my career and growing as an individual. I’ve started living alone (I used to live with my sister then my friends) thinking that that would help me find a stable relationship. I dated guys here and there. Nothing really worked. I came to a self-absorbed conclusion that the men I was interested in dating or the men who fell into my “love trap” were men who underestimated my capacity to understand. You see, this was all about me. I knew I was a catch. Men would move mountains just to be with me. Self-serving and self-absorbed eh? I was better off by my lonesome self. Besides, riding my own horse was fun. If there’s a Mr. Right for me, then he would come sweep me off my feet and ride my horse with me.
I must have tried every single thing one does to find Mr. Right, or Mr. RightNow. That’s when I fought with bouts of depression. Sure I’ve built my own home, but it’s always better to have someone to come to. I also had episodes of envy for my friends. Whenever we went clubbing or partying together, I would be the only single bloke – even amongst the straight folk. With the advent of technology, I pimped myself on the Internet. I must have joined all social networking and dating sites on the www. Heck, I even pimped myself on YouTube! I’ve met men whom I thought would be Mr. Right but turned out to be just a “Mr.”, not even a a Mr. Right Now.
The carousel has started to lose its magic for me.
Patiently, I rode my horse on this colorful carousel until I became jaded. I’ve built a wall around myself. I gave up on the hope of finding someone for me. This wall was so thick and so high that no one could break through it. Mr. Right probably has already come to me but the wall was so well-built that even he couldn’t break through.
Realizing that, I started dismantling the wall. I was back to my old self when I first rode the carousel. Over and over, I went through the vicious cycle that the pink carousel took me before. After many rounds, I realized that I should just live life one day at a time and be open to whatever comes my way.
I guess now I am stronger.
Whether there’s a Mr. Right for me or not, I’m not sure. Of this I’m sure though: I will continue to ride the Pink Carousel one day at a time and have fun while I’m at it.
Bakla Ako, May Reklamo?
February 17th, 2007Mabuhay!
Welcome to the All-New Bakla Ako, May Reklamo (BAMR) blog. I deleted http://bakla.myjournal.ph due to some readers who were hell-bent on ruining my life by hurting my family. But I am way over that. So let’s usher in the all-new BAMR!
The old bakla was a mere mirror of my blogs in LiveJournal and Multiply. So this time around, BAMR will be different. You will be seeing content here that you won’t see on my LJ and Multiply. The running theme for this blog will be Life as a Homosexual. Categories will include, but not limited to, the following:
- Bakla-rawan: A photoblog of the sights and sounds, the flora and fauna, the hustle and bustle, the hot men and the not of busy Metro Manila using a camera phone (SE K750i). Photos will be taken without looking at the viewfinder, or in this case – the phone screen. Paparazzi-type and out-of-focus and unedited photos. Hmmmm…
- Political Bakla: A political commentary by a gay urbanite.
- I’m Coming Out: A collection of coming out stories from different gay men in the Philippines. This would require more effort as I will need to collect stories from people who are willing to share a part of their lives to the www. This blog aims to help gay men who are still in the closet but find it very difficult to come out. Something sort of a support blog.
- Paano Ba Maging Bakla: Tips and tricks on being gay, from a gay urbanite and fashion victim’s point of view.
- Bakla, Bili Na: Where to find the best bargains for the everyday gay man.
- Baklalandia: Reviews , commentaries and Recaps of a gay man’s favorite TV shows, recent movies, food, bars, restaurants, spas, salons, etc.
- Baklinks: Links to stories and news Items related to the gay life.
- Lakbay Bakla: Travel blog of the Bakla
I have more categories in mind but I will update soon. Please do feel free to email me your contributions, suggestions, reactions : ajkenji@gmail.com.
Love,
Bakla
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